YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE -
Note: Most of my Manz World stories are fictionalized accounts of how the painting shown here came to be, however, some stories are rooted in truth.
I was reading in bed when, just before midnight, my phone rang. In reaching for my phone, I wondered who would call at such a late hour. Seeing that it was Jordon, the son of a very close friend from back home, I grew even more suspicious.
I answered with a quick “hello,” and waited, expecting a reply, but there was no immediate response.
Questioning even more why Jordon was calling me at this time, I repeated my “hello.”
It was then that I heard a rather deep breath being taken on the other end of the phone followed by, “Oh, wow… I’m so sorry. I… uh… I hope I didn’t wake you.”
I assured him he had not, that I had been reading. “But I’ll soon be turning out the light.”
“Well… uh… maybe I should call back.”
“Nonsense. What’s up?”
“Well, I… uh… I needed to talk to someone, and I thought you would be the best person to talk to.”
Instantly, my curiosity went on alert. Wondering if he was calling from jail or had been in an accident, I said, “Are you okay?”
“Well, yeah. I’m okay. Kinda.”
With a note of concern mixed with frustration, I said, “So, what’s going on?”
There was no immediate response from Jordon except for another deep breath. And then, nervously, he said, “I… uh… I... need to tell you something.”
My response was, “Okay,” followed by another period of silence.
“Well… I wanted to say… to tell you something I’ve told no one. None of my friends know about this. And certainly not any family member.”
Again, with frustration building, I said, “And what is it you need to tell me?”
“Dan, I’m...." He paused again then said, "I'm, uh, gay.”
In hearing that, I paused for a few seconds. Then once again I said “okay” as calmly as I could since I didn’t want to act too surprised at this sudden late night disclosure. But I was surprised, especially given Jordon’s very masculine manner and that he had had a rather long term, live-in relationship with his girlfriend, Julie. I had had no indication or thought of him being gay.
“So,” he said, “I wanted to tell you because I thought… I mean… at least I thought you would understand.”
“But what about Julie?”
“I broke up with her last week. I told her about being gay. When she heard that she got real upset and kicked me out and now I’m living with a friend for the time being.”
Jordon went on to tell me about how and why he had reached the conclusion regarding his sexuality. He said he had dated a number of girls and young ladies over the years but never felt comfortable with any of them. “It wasn’t just that I didn’t feel sexually turned on, it was that I just didn’t respond well to any of my relationships. I liked them… I liked Julie… and we had adequate sex but I… it just wasn’t what I wanted.”
Jordon then told me of a year long sexual relationship he’d had with a guy named Jack, someone he met through a gay friend. “Jack was the first guy I ever did anything sexual with and…” again there was a deep breath followed by, “I have to say it was the first time I really felt sexually satisfied.”
“Honestly, I have to say that I've always been attracted to guys. Even in school, I knew I was looking at the guys on the basketball court more than the cheerleaders on the sidelines.”
Suddenly, I heard what I thought was crying. Starting out with some sniffles, Jordon’s crying increased until he was openly sobbing.
I didn’t say anything for about a minute, allowing time for his emotions to be expressed. I then asked him if he was okay.
Through the tears and sniffles, Jordon said, “Yeah. It’s just that I’m feeling a wave of relief. It's like a burden was suddenly lifted when I told you about me. About me being gay. I mean, I've been hiding it for so many years. And now...”
The tears continued as I assured him that his crying was not upsetting me. That, in fact, it was quite appropriate, given what he had just said.
For over an hour, we talked. It was mostly Jordon talking with me listening. He seemed to need to unload a lot of pent up frustration, even anger, and to share what he was now experiencing with someone who would understand.
It was going on 2:00 when I suggested we end our conversation but that he could call me the next day if needed.
Just before hanging up, Jordon said, “Dan, I just want you to know how much I think of you. Honestly, you have been 'there' for me so many times. More times than you know. In fact, you have been a role model for me over the years and now I see how important you are in my life. That why I thought you would be the best person to talk with about this. Thank you for being 'there' for me tonight.”
We ended the conversation with me responding with my own statement of support for him.
Over the next several months, Jordon slowly came out to some of his friends. Most were understanding, even supportive. However, some distanced themselves from him. One of his best friends, a guy he had gone to high school with, suddenly backed away and eventually dropped him from his friendship list.
In the same way, Jordon started coming out to members of his family. Fortunately, most of them stood by him even though some expressed concern given that he lived in a very conservative state where being gay was not something tolerated by many conservative Christians, even less tolerated by the “red neck” yahoos who seemed to love beating up on “faggots.”
That midnight call was made almost three years ago. Since then, Jordon has been in a relationship with a guy he met at his gym. I met DuWayne last summer when I went home to visit family. He’s a gorgeous, well-muscled black guy with a body that just doesn’t quit. Upon meeting him I found him to be quite polite. He's what I would call adorable, even a sweetheart. However, given that he’s a police officer, he’s not someone I would want to meet up if I was doing something against the law.
During my visit, knowing that I was an artist, Jordon asked me if I would do a nude painting of him, something he wanted as a gift to give DuWayne for his birthday. Since I could not do a live painting, I took some photos of Jordon in various poses and picked the one I thought was the most appropriate, one that Jordon approved of. And that’s the painting you see here in my gallery, the one named “You Know Who You Are.” It’s one that is now hanging in the bedroom of their shared home.
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